i suck managing my own stuff..

I have a facebook and friendster account..
I have a closet full of my clothes,messed up..
I have tones of books which are ready to meet the dump...
I have tones of discs waiting for me to reinsert them into their own personal slots...

so much stuff to do yet i love spending time on the computer and the ps3..
i rather spend time doing things which are not necessary..
but i do find my messy closet look like a boy's closet..
im a teenager with the testerone in my body..whatcha think??..

oh yeah..few events occur since the last time i posted my blog..
firstly was SPM examinations are over..
ive conquer them well but not well enough..
2nd,were to be my time spend at times square with my school buddies..
we went there early in the morning to greenbox..
had a hell of time singing high pitched songs..
sry i screamed at the mic..
though it was ears piercing but nvm..once in a life time experience...
thn we head to the cinema for the movie twilight..
ok,here's what the movie isnt nice..
for me..its rather too slow..too not interesting and it was rather cutted..
i mean the background music made the show so predictable and the scenes were just cut too much..
u know whn they cut it..
i am so so bored if aint for spending time with my frens...
i made hell of a noise inside the cinema..
love it or hate it..
thn,we head forth the gasoline restaurant in times square..
i can tell u tht the service there is very very bad..
we were in there for like 10 minutes still the table wasnt cleaned and there is no one to take our order down..
after so,we left..
we headed for the kfc..
and thn slower we disperse...
quite amusing though tht i love a picture tht was taken by cheah...
















can u read the signs??..
its a couple dresscode..
oh brother zhen yao..love the t-shirt ur wearing...
suits me so much..haha..

love me or love things??..why what and how come??..

relationship require both party..
so at our age,we're are often so naive ,so immature, so eager to know more bout love..
or mayb even throwing the dice and betting our luck to see what its like to be in a relationship with someone..
nowadays u cant put a relationship tht it requires a male and female..
its absurd tht even same sexes can be in a relastionship..
no offence but this has been once a very uncomfortable issue for me..
so ive basically manage to be in a relationship twice and for me,its complicated.,
i ermm..couldnt say there wasnt any happy memories or sad memories because there is..
actually after in a relationship i starting back as a single,i tend to think more before going the flow or ride again..
i tend to think its the looks,body or labels,things,possesion or money or attitude tht matters to a person who wants to be in a relationship..
and some say without money u cant have happiness coze the world is about money..
cars,clothes,shoes,acceseries,even the cinema tickets and food are all about money..
however i mean u can still live without those and come to the point of looks body and attitude..
does the looks of one is important to another person or the figure of the body matters??..
what kind of attitude would be appropriate in a relationship..
so many questions without answer..
so i start to find them starting by asking myself..
i care bout looks..
i care bout body..
i mind about attitude..
i also love to have money..
but am i looking for the same person who have the same desire as i am??.
or am i to find someone who is contra against my thoughts..
based on my knowledge,sometiems finding someone tht doesnt seems to suit u,suits u!..
i mean there is the joy of ermm..playing and disagrement and u know the ups and down..
so love me or love things??.
if love me,why??..
love things,what??..
and how come im afraid to be in a relationship..
i become less social.
tend to be more self reliant..
and even sometimes i feel kinda alone is better..
so needless i am confessing tht my preious relationship has broken my confident to start a new one..
but i all im good at failing relastionships makes even tend to more careful to move on..
so why what and how come in order to start a realstionship??..

what u dont ask me to do...

see its basically respect when u ask a guy for his help..
u dont wanna fool him with ur tiny winy stuff..
cause it will and definitely will be a volcano erupt..

today..i woke at home..
i tried to study but i didnt want to..
so i waited till afternoon..
till my fren call me out for bball..
to know tht i went there to not find the person whom called me there,but
as well as i play for 5 to 10 minutes of lame ass ball..
here's the thing..
if u call someone to meet u,make bloody hell sure u will be there before him..
do not ask me to hurried my ass out and to find tht ur not there..
it pisses me..
i am not ur subordinate..
i do not take orders from u assholes..
2nd,when u ask someone to meet u make sure its important and it goes on for a certain period of time..
i do not wanna grab my stuff and rush out of the house to be home 10 minutes later..
im not ur standby doggy..
i do not come to u when u snap ur fingers..
3rd,when u ask me to come,make sure u wanna chat with me and its not because ure bored and phone me to come out to waste time with u..
u have important stuff to do,WELL SO DO I..
4th,when u done something wrong in a group of fren,hell no u should start pointing fingers at whom to blame..
i'll swear to god if u aint close with me i will punch ur bloody teeth out..
i make sure u remember to start pointing at urself before u point at others..
5th,after a mistake do not ask me to forgive u if u do not know ur mistake..
damn hell no u do not learn from ur mistake and u ask me to forgive u..what the hell is tht for??..
6th,here to be clear,i am a fren not ur fucking pussy dog...
i have my own personal stuff to do also..
unless u got a reason to hang out,then might as well u go to hell cause i dont wanna waste time around anyone tht doesnt wanna be with me..
its not ur duty to call me as ur fren..
its a bond and chemistry tht makes u wanna call me as fren..
so ive made my point and i dont ask u guys to say sry to me cause there is no necessary to tht..
like i told everyone,i have a temper but i always keep it low..
i suck at managing my temper..
if u insist to piss me thn go ahead and try me..
this doesnt mean im a show off..
this shows tht u need to respect me as much i respect u..
dont overgo the line..u might just draw the last one...

a fren??..who??

frens..can anyone define what's a fren for??..
i truely dont look on this word as a important thing in life..
i can dare to say this tht i dont believe in frens..
i made up my mind was bcoze i did get betrayed before so why trust again??.
it was hard enough to be betrayed and to get over it..
truely the incident took place a long time ago but till now it has a big influence on me..
i know its not everyone tht u cant trust but neither does everyone can be trust..
but all these years,ive always wanted a friend neither guy or gal tht truely understands me..
thy will rang me up to just chew to fat on the phone for 1 or 2 hours..
i dont like the assumption ppl make..
true to the fact tht 1st impression is important but it doesn count in how u judge a person..
just bcoze i look rough and weird it doesnt meant im somebody tht is so..
u dont know me so dont judge me..
ppl who do so are just so rash in decision..
high or low ppl deserve u to respect so why look down upon them??..
aint it unfair??
i understand tht even a coin has two side..
u dont know which u will get whn u flip them..
as for me..i truely dont matter which side i get..
its bcoze i equally place everyone the same in my heart thn only i will judge u..
yeah..it might sound fake but i think so..
i dont like being judge by appearance..
judge me by who i am not who i look like..
so what if i look so greatly handsome but im a deaf towrads other's feelings??..
will u admire me after u got hurt by me??..
i havent this person tht will enable me trust again..
so im searching more..
but i detest ppl being cocky..
no ppl is way too high or down too low..
all ppl are equal with their rights..
and dont blame for not talking to u..
its a choice for someone to choose to be a fren with u or not..
but let it be tht ive judge u and ive seen through u tht ur not a good person..
thn only will i no talk to u..
so be someone who is daring to judge and not be shy by other weakness...
so understand me better...

carls junior..

thralalala...everytime i study i always have the mood to blog..
coze it gives a opportunity to escape..
haha..
so u see today dad and i went to pavilion again to purchase the 2nd controller for ps3..
we thn had lunch at carls junior..
boy,can i tell how big the burger was..
mcdonald's big mac aint no where near the size of the burger there..
plus it super delicious and the fries are even more worth eating as it taste so fresh..
u know whats best in this shop,its got free refill like burger king..
even here thy have appetizers for u to have before meals..
i love pickles..
thy are nice to chew...















see my hand holding it..it aint even close for u to think the size of it..
its even delicious to eat...















the fries were awesome..
hot and not salty..
thick and not mouth drying..
its truely a delight to have it...


thn later,we went to plaza low yat to purchase memory cards for my sis phone and mum's phone..
funny story behind..
ever know the biggest secret to be a good sales girl??..
haha..i so cannot believe tht me and dad felt for this sales girl trick..
u see,dad went to the this shop to ask for the prices of the memory card..
dad ask how much was the price for both 2gb and 4 gb..
she said the 2gb was around 30++ and the other was 85 itself...
i find her very weird..
she was talking in a chickhen voice and it sounded to me like she was faking it..
plus,she kept smiling..
here's where u get very imaginative of the girl's look..
she isnt tht pretty but she is kinda sweet smile girl with a great body(im sry tht i observe)
thn dad request for her to open the box..
and she complain to my dad bout her fingernails tht also broke due to opening the box..
not long after tht dad said 150 for both cards..
thn whats her trick?..
we went up another floor and check the price for the 4 gb..
it was 65 only!!..
see,a couples of smiles and great lies of a women can make men spend their money so blindly?..
i mean for me its so normal but for my father,an old fox felt for the same trick too...
dad was frustrated for a while but to think back,we both laughed..
dad even came up with 'jit lun,nxt time u must check the prices before buying...'

thn came to home..
as usual..sleep , think, play, thn dinner..
thn come the annoying one,my sis..
can u blame someone if u did wrong at 1st??..
see,let me list the few things why i dont one to talk to my sister..
she is the eldest and yet the most arrogant one..
she always advise me to be more like a gentlemen,dont count on everything u do for someone..
she always tease me and look down on me..
she always say to dont do this and dont do tht..
she always complains bout my anger..
u see how much i put in mind of what she said to me??..
2 nights before,she was using the computer which was located in my room till 2 a.m..
if the comp was in her room,i could only stayed till 9 p.m..
later thn tht she would be shouting at me and telling me tht im abusing my rights
thn yesterday night,while i turn to stretch my back..
we accidentally bump into each other and she scold me 'crazy!!'..
is tht so necessary eventhough we're not talking to each other??..
and tonight was even more pissing me off,i was studying as the spm examination is drawing near..
i waited till everyone was asleep thn i started studying and as she comes home she turns on the tv and started watching show like nobody business..
its hard to concentrate whn ure turning on programmes like csi,dr house,nxt top model,music channels,and whose lines is it anyways..
if i were to do tht to her,she would be banging her door,telling her fren how an idiot brother i am..
huh..call me childlish thn what bout her??..
i know im the hot tempered guy in the family but tht doesnt make me wrong in everything i do..
huh...sometimes i wonder,if she could faced herself and ask,does the things she said to me ever had she meant it or was it me taking it too seriously..
oh well...its getting real late.....good night people...

take ur sweet time...

i really miss being loved,being with someone so unknown,so unpredictable,so much conflict,the smiles,the kisses,the sad times,and most of all the feeling of being taken care of..
for those who are single like me,i bet some of u do miss these tender feeling huh??..
yea..and those can only possibly imagine this feeling..
ive always struggle whether to choose the best among the all..
but to know tht now its not who i choose but to slice a double edged sword,tht ppl dont choose me..
i thought tht everytime i fall,i could just get up and u know mayb go on with life..
but to realise tht its more than that..
if u fall and there are cuts,u dont leave them..
u give them medicine,antiseptic,tender love for tht very wound to heal..
to give it time for the pain to ease..
but because of an itchy hand u scratch it and tht leaves a scar..
and everytime u look back at the scar u think back..
u tend to be sad for tht moment for everything tht had happen..
how come such bad decision were made??..
u just keep telling urself if i can go back in time..
if i could just alter the past,things might turn out better..
its true tht i barely known her..
its true i made a decision tht hurt her and me..
it was a very hasty decision and a selfish decision..
i let my ego had my mind filled with silly thoughts..
i thought if i kept myself feeling guilty tht might just make up for everything ive done...
but now to look back,isnt it a path tht was drawn so clearly tht its time to wake up..
no point of doing anything to change the past because somethings nvr do change..
its true tht im still in love with her..
so i wanted to tell her so much...
"take ur sweet time,im gonna be here when u change ur mind,take ur sweet time'..
i do not tend to bother her because loving someone is not to care for every step thy take,,
but to believe in their choices..
i realise tht im a jerk but hey,give a jerk a chance to learn to not be a jerk..
i wouldnt call my waiting for her as punishment but i would rather named it "a chance"..
a chance for me to realise tht no point in feeling guilty,no point in blaming urself,if there is fate thn let god decide who is best for who..
without her giving me the cold shoulder i could nvr learn to think more further..
to improvise what ive done and to sit down and think..
could say tht she was really giving my life a hard time but as much as it is,these feelings are so hard to get rid off just because so..
she once asked me why do i love her whn we barely known each other??
well..i guess the answer is here...
for all tht she didnt done and she done was the only reason left tht i love her from thn till now..
took me sometime to figure out and to decipher this reason..
i really wish she would see my blog someday but as thin as ice,she wouldnt..
life is so unpredictable,i dunno how long can i wait..
i mean she's got a boy but i dunno how deep are thy..
put it in a nut shell,let fate decide who is best for who...
putting up a fight isnt gonna make things better right??..
im so free and i dont think im sad over the things ive done wrong..
thx to her ive learn so much.....

take ur sweet time as life is unexpectable

hey hey..today ive got the mood to blog..
the day is sooooo boring..
nth to do..
im just enjoying memorizing the moral values and its definition..
gave me so much time to keep thinking for myself..
i kept thinking of my nxt move for my life..
am i to improve it to just stay put in life..
am i to be wondering in the past over some unsettle things..
i finally got the guts to face myself in the mirror and tell myself tht i know its my mistakes and i try to move on..
i said 'god will show his path but whatever flows into our path let me have the courage to face it and overcome it with calmness with maturity'..
thn its like it keeps hitting me back tht i look back at my parents..
i wonder if thy ever felt tired taking care at us..
dont thy represent god themselves??..
thy take care of us even thy faced their own troubles..
but we are so selfish tht we keep bother them with our minor problems..
am i so sure tht i can repay for all thy've done for me??..
as to giving thought to this statment,suddenly life is so much more worth living for..
its like suffering is gone because its something ive done for someone i appreciate and love..
its no lie tht i do argue with them and there are so much conflict among us..
but we walk through every matter together as a family because its a born bond tht ties us tightly tht friends will nvr come between this bond and tht why we are family...

haha..suddenly it sounds like an essay already..
im so worried for my big examination..
im so lazy but i wanna score high..
i hate laziness and look what its doing to me..
i really hope i can wake up from this dying plague..
its spreading so vast to everyone...
but the cure is only between the soul and the mind to coporate..
ive gotta try hard to change my life..
mayb to aim for the better life is my aim today..
im so full of myself..
all i ever write here is about myself..
does it boreds u guys??..
if u do thn u can refuse to read it,i really dont mind..
im so done explaining myself for the thing i do..
i only wan myself..
and i holding my moto..self praise is the best praise..
do things for myself and for my own satisfaction..
its not selfish and self-minded but who shall i satisfy other thn myself and my family??...
well..hold ur breather till the next blog cause its time for me to go..
c ya guys and gals..god bless...

does techno shake u??..yes for me..

today was not the best but quite something to talk bout..
like the usual saturday i went to play bball..
less people and was quite boring..
i had to agree tht age is really catching up to me and i dont have the time to condition myself for anything..
im losing my grip and im just being lazy..
there is no inspiration and no desire to be stronger..
ever felt tht competition is not necessary??..
but without it u nvr go no where..
so i truely am losing my touch with my sense..
i truely madly love basketball but i dunno how..
ok moving..after bball went for breakfast thn went home...
hao yu later came to my hse to fetch me out to drink ah kit..
thn we waited for kelvin(stupid guy),come out only start to tease me..
bored with him..
thn we waited for ka hoe and jun yang to go to kelvin's hse to watch ghost clips..
thn i felt asleep..
not scary also!!...
the only thing creepy bout it was tht i was sleeping in some other guy's bed and not mines..
thn i went home after tht..
was very tired but dad ask me to watch the movie wanted with him..
wow...the movie is gross but nice..
imagine a bending bullet..
nice...
actually something tht ive realise tht i find it nice too..
i want to study all time...
im moodless towrads girls..
i wan to spend time with my frens and alone..
i just wanna concentrate on myself..
i dont feel the necessary for another person in my life..
although its kinda lonely but i like the feel of being independent without caring for somone else..
emm..mayb im just not qualified to love someone..
or its just a test for me to learn how to love myself at 1st...
i still hesitate about my maturity and bout my ability to make the right decision..
im still afraid to say the wrong things even among my frens..
oh well..i guess ill take my time..
well...i guess ill stop here...didnt have much time on this post..
i try to spend more on the nxt one..