i feel like running away from them.

sometimes we get so furious over things..
despite its small or big,we throw our temper..
see i was throwing around my temper with one of brother ka hoe lah..

he is the laziest guy i've ever known but he's got the weirdest way to make someone realise and the best advice from the bad situations..
he pops out something like 'wow,u' re really having a bad time,having so much troubles,so much to think.'..
i was spreading my words with temper all over his face without noticing it..
but when he pops that verse,he really make me felt bad..
he made me feel like im someone who can keep his troubles to himself and every little single thing that i don't like, i just voice it out like i' m some kind of nuisance...
maybe to others it may seem that its a simple verse or maybe that i'm thinking too much..
but for me just something so simple means so much to me..

yeah truely nowadays without study life is boring and its a pressure to not study too...
im afraid that i would settle down and wouldn't want to do anything..
im left with so many question and a very unsatisfied heart..
am i a person who cant handle my own problem??.
will i ever learn how to shut up that action speaks louder than words??..
i wanna walk the walk and not talk the walk..
i wanna be someone who is wise but i tend to spill whatever i know..
maybe im not a responsible person..
im not responsible to make myself to be more mature..
maybe im not learning enough..
what am i doing nowadays??
am i spending my time living it worth or am i just stuck in the same spot??
who am i??..will i ever be part of peoples who move mountains with just a word??
or am i a burden to the society??
wow...a simple verse made me think so much..
mayb a little too much..
but i would like his advise..
i would prefer to tell me where im weak so i can learn and keep pushing forward ahead of life..
anyway i owe him a big thanks,thanks my brother..
although ure the laziest prick ive known but somehow u make me realise something..

huh,im enjoying the song far away by nickelback..
brings back so much memories..
one mistake from one wrong choice change my life..
so meaningful man this song..
shucks,time's up..peace to the world..and happy moments to everyone..
night...

gee..life without a girl..

well well..today was a pretty insulting day..
as a matter of fact truely insulting for any guy..
ever went out and meet ur ex's friends and u all sit down to chat about..
well,my advice is dont..

NON DIFFERENCE IN SEX OR GENDER
for a person to forget bout their loved ones is truely a hard thing to do..
it can bring back all sort of memories u had with him/her either bad nor good..
second of all,u will feel so awkward being in that situation..
u don't know what to say and do what to make a good impression that the past relationship was put to the past..


ok..so why do i felt insulted...so u see my ex's friend are my younger brother's friend..
they came over to my house..
so as usually i dont wanna talk so much..
ok..based on their age i shouldn't be pissed at what they say,as a matter of fact i don't need to react at all to their words..
but u know thy suddenly pop out a question when they open my wallet..
its goes like 'oh gosh,u dont have money??..thtz right u dont have a girl'..
insulting??..
do u know guys care for their pride a lot??..

NO OFFENSE TO THE GIRLS..
for a guy who has a girl..
its bout the kisses and hugs and sex and whatever is in a guy's mind..
and for a guy who dont have a girl they imagine what its like to have a girl..
so for girl pls do not look too high upon urself..
if u dowan a guy so can a guy dowan u..
we dont say tht we cant live without u..
we only say to we can barely live without sex..
so dont think too high upon urself..
dont make us sound desperate..
in fact the love we're trying to find is being close to someone and we are trying to find someone to cared about..
we arent desperate,so quit ur 'oh i think this guy is after me but i dont wish tht i will let him f**k me'..


i hear my ex's friends say things like 'wow this guy is sooooo cute' or 'wow,he is super f**king hot' and 'tht guy is sooo ugly and ewww gross' even 'he is ugly tht no girls wan him even i dont wana know him'..

do u know how bitchy u girls sound when u say tht??..
i mean who are u to judge another mother's son??..

BITCHES REMAINS AS BITCHES..
they came to my house..
finished my biscuits(i wanted to eat them,=.=)
started flushing out foul words..
started going through my privacy stuff..
started teasing and humiliating me..
started gaving comments bout my pictures..(obviously it aint good..)
started hitting my brother..
started raising their voice in my living hall..
started to be rude to me..

ok..im supposed to tell them off but i didnt..
ive manage to suppress my anger right??..
but telling me tht i cant live without their friend as my girl..
girl,ure a bitch..
so for u guys out there dont and dont ever go out hanging out with ur ex's friends..

doggy ahhh doggy..;.

I DETEST AND I REPEAT MYSELF HERE..
I DETEST PEOPLE ORDERING ME TO DO STUFF...

spoils my day when people do so..
other than my family members,i say no one and no one should even have the guts to order me around..

well..since id make it clear..
if u done something wrong to someone dont use other people to help u..
u know how tht way is just so low class tht it makes me frustrated..
fool me once the shame is on me..
fool me twice the shame is on u..

nope..i dont and i wont hesitate to reject,decline and shove a rude answer up ur face...
im not ur same blood brother or anything, we're just friends..so best u dont cross tht line..


gee...ive passed my 'undang' exam..
wow..44 is a good number too...
studied it at the last hour during red alert and still ive manage to did it..
haha..genius..haha..
wee...

well..3 days ive been going down to times square and sungei wang...
wow..one word =BOOOOOOORINNNNNGGGG...
but there are some happy moments to it too..
gee..today's post is lack of some great vocab,im losing out..

but u know the good times dont stay long..
time for the normal life again..
and to know tht chinese new year is around the corner..
oooo...IM 18 AND IM LEGAL ON ALCOHOL..
muahaha,..cant wait to get my hands on it...
oh wel..till the next post..
bye...

to hell with people who cant be reson with..

im a very sensitive guy who can be easily offended by facial expression...
im a guy who expects good manners when i approach u in a respected way..
im a guy who can be reason with but not to be deny and throw words upon...

basically i hate people who are rude and thinks too highly of themselves...
to me...everyone in this world is equal..
nobody is said to be too high or too famous upon..
i would prefer the word humble..
i hate and detest and most of all am disgust by stuck up facial expressions..

i mean..who in hell are u??..
who are u to think tht u are better thn anyone??..
firstly think of who u are??
what makes u special tht u seem to be different or more highly placed among everyone..
to me..its bullshit..
dont give reasons like beauty or being rich...
without it u still have to go on with life...

just so u know..ive just quarrel with my family members just 10 minutes ago..
wanna know why??..
im am absolutely gonna describe in full details what happened..
see...after the computer was left empty i went to MY room to turn it on..
ok..after tht i log into my msn account and went to surf friendster...
after finish surfing..i turn on some music..
im bored...whole day the comp was used by my dad..like morning till 9 at night..
ok...thn i went down to do my daily routine....
my exercise..today's exercise was the abs..
while doing it,i knew tht my sister went to my room and used the computer..
i know...
thn after finishing it..i had to take my bath..
as i was walking my up the stairs to grab my clothes..
i saw my sis turn off MY MSN AND SWITCH ON HERS..
at the very moment i was angry..
i kept quiet and i presume she knew tht i was unhappy tht she did so..
so i went to take my bath hoping she would leave the comp alone after im done..
she didnt..
so i still held my anger to myself..
and went to wipe the dinner table which i havent wipe it yet..
i was still hoping tht she would leave it alone..
SHE DIDNT..
u ask any other people to withstand this..
i believe tht what ive done is consider at my maximum ability..
even so..after cleaning the table i went to tell her to get out of my room...
its normal right?!!..
what else do u think was coming out of my mouth?..
get out of my room,PLEASE??
UNLESS I DONT HAVE MY PENIS OR MY TESTICLE ATTACH TO MY BODY THN ONLY WOULD I SAY THT..
I AINT SUCH A SISSY ASS AND A SOFT PERSON..
so i wouldnt consider it very rude of me to tell so..
she kept quite..
again i presume she caught the message..
but noooo!!!!..
she always has her damn reason..
and everytime she says her reason its like god's words..
well to hell or to god i DONT GIVE A DAMN..
the truth is tht she was being rude at the 1st place..
like iit or not ur wrong..
am i not wrong??..
thn she went calling my mum..
ahh..and then came big boosy mum..
she came into my room and without asking why she assume and made a decision tht i was wrong..
she ask me to leave her alone..
why MUST I??..
WHY IN GODDAMN HELL SHOULD I??..
ITS MY ROOM AND IVE GOT THE RIGHTS TO CALL HER TO GET LOST OUT OF MY ROOM..
AND HER SIMPLE REASON THT SHE WANTS TO DO HER PROJECT..
WHAT IN HELL DOES SWITCHING ON HER MSN HAVE TO DO WITH HER PROJECTS??..
DONT TELL ME SHE HAS TO CHAT WITH HER FRIENDS TO GET INFORMATION..
AND THT WOULD BE CALLED COPYING A PROJECT NOT DOING A PROJECT..

and u know what..after a few words my mum called my dad who was sleeping..
oh and dad came in with tht same old boring shit headed speech..
u got no manners..
get it right..who in hell dont have manners here??..
me or her??..
can u see why im so pissed??..
why am i so desperate to throw my fist at my family??...
if she wants to do her project she could have asked!!!..
although we aint talking to each other which bascially i dont give a damn bout her anymore..
she could have ask and not sit her ass down do whatever she likes.

mum could only say tht im being hard headed and im always like tht,..
and when i explain she could only say ur sis is correct!!..leave her alone..
and to hell do i care..
u know what..i really dont give a damn whether she is my mum or not..
i slam 'shut up' to her face..
even a judge wont discriminate a beggar and wouldnt say tht he is wrong..
can u feel the injustice here??..
all i wanted was her to ask me and i did not ask her to slice herself..
she still insist tht im being rude..
go to hell!!..
do u know how bored i am??.
being pinalise tht im wrong even without asking what happen??..
not able to explain what had happen..
its just a simple damn question..
i quit being a nice guy..
i give up being sweet and all..
i rather be rude and nasty thn to explain anything at all..
its shit...practically its all bullshit whatever my mum says bout me and my sis's reason are.

am i just a hard headed boy or am i just being ignorant

there's a saying tht ignorance is a bliss..

people are like so different from one to another..
each individual has their own style and there pro and cons to them..

for this very moment,im having self doubts...
what kind of doubts??..
im asking myself..
everytime someone orders me around i tend to dislike it..
i detest in everyway..
in fact i love doing my way cause i do not see the reason why i cant do it my way..
sounds hard headed???..

sry but i disagree...
to me...who are u to direct me to do stuff..
unless i am willingly to do so..
its a goal...we are different individual..
i do not insist to do it my way or neither should u insist me to do it ur way...
and please do not feel mad cause i do not go ur way..
its very childlish..
in life we are often to meet up with disagreement..
i learn to accept the better to evade the worse...
like i said,different individual...
im willingly to hear ur reason..
but..
why are people always trying to push me around??..
i take it as though they are trying to bully me..
i do not like it..
i seriously do not like it at all..

ever went into a situation when everybody seems to have an opinion but its just they dont respect ur opinion??..
tht kind of humiliation should exist in friendships...
i do not understand why must we fear someone if tht very person is merely just another homo sapien?..
u know..people tend to think they are great..
even i cant deny tht i once and still felt tht i was born for greater things..
but dont get obsess with tht feeling or its called proud..

every person falls..
pride is always high before fall..
so why?..
why wanna show and tell how great u are and demand respect from other people..
yes...i cant deny tht i love talking bout great things ive been through but its not boast..
its my experience of life..
if a simple experience conversation become a tease topic for someone thn i truely lost the mood to talk or even to trust a friend..
do u know how hurt it is?..
tht when u share something and just because someone thinks tht ur trying to prove tht ur better than him..
thy say something mean..
1st of all..i do not have to prove myself worthy of a friend..
2nd of all...in a friendship who cares who's the better one??..

ok..confession tht i felt tht im smarter at times in my gang..
i dont put this gap into mind cause everyone is equally no matter how good we are..
once my post topic was benefits kills the moral of everyone..
i still felt this during hanging out with my buddies...
i can still felt disrespect from them towards me...
yet i couldnt find the courage to voice out..

if u can prove tht im wrong thn prove it..
i rather be wrong thn to think im right..
i rather not have friends who wouldnt tell me tht im wrong and would only tease of my mistakes..
in addition..if u dun like talking to me and felt tht im a threat to ur popularity...
voice it out..
i dont mind..
like i said..if popularity is what u want..
i rather give it to anyone..
cause it nvr last..
u might be great among the greatest..
but one day..time will take it all away...

i ermm..kinda have self doubt though..
am i not fierce enough or am i just being too hard headed to accept tht things change according to situations??..
do i not have a point in my opinion??..
do i not use my brain to before i talk??..
why does it seem tht every word i speak of seems to be a heart ache to u??...
if its until tht extend thn there goes our friendship..
cause i no longer felt anymore to be said..
i rather not know u so i couldnt hurt u anymore...

so..basically ppl say,'wah so busy ah??'..
actually im not busy..
rather i know tht im lonely cause i darent not voice out my feelings..
my blog is truely one place where i show my soft side..
no matter how hard i am on the outside life..
i do cry and i do bleed as same as anyone..
and my feelings are just as fragile as glass..
im not different in this aspect..
and pls for what ive blog do not ask or question..
its like an insult to my post..

am i just hard headed??..
ive always been responsible for my own things..
ive nvr ask anyone to pick up my troubles..
what ive done is what ill get..
the good or the bad is what i should i get..
i nvr open up myself to anyone cause no one ever ask..
i know the reason why they nvr ask..
everytime someone gets too close..
i stay away...
i cant stand being close with someone..
yet somehow and somewhere so deep inside my heart,yearns for the feeling of being close to someone..
someone i could talk what i feel and could advice me in everyway without getting tired...
someone actually for the 1st time in my life..i could depend on..
yet so long and dont know when will be the right time i find tht very person..

and friends are ppl who dont care how high or how low u are..
even if ur the idiot of the century but u treat everyone equally as u do..
ur a friend..
i do not understand what is there to be proud of having a model or a superstar or a country player or a nominated star...
u know what...i dont care..
to hell to what u are..
i will treat u as a normal friend..
nothing more...nobody deserve to be treat better because he is filthy rich and popular..
nobody deserves to be look down or to be left alone because thy are not good enough..
we are equal...

Frustration is something i cant always control

PISSED...
today's word of my day is PISSED...
just to know i seldom let my temper control me...
the last time i ever let it control me,got me ended up in a police station..
but truely this time ive let it control me again..
however i do not feel tht im in a wrong position..
i have asked myself what had i done wrong for so many times and yet i do not seem to find any mistakes in my doing today..

WHAT HAPPEN THT MADE ME PISSED??...
today,me and my frens were playing bball as usual..
there was a selected country player who joined us today..
now,let's list why he is called a 'SELECTED COUNTRY PLAYER'..
thy are ppl who trained their ass out to achieve certain limit..
thy are better and brighter at stamina,skills,shooting,lay ups even at jumping heights..

HIM
my team were the one's facing the country player..
i know it's hard for my teammate to try to mark him down..
i understand..
but DO notice tht ive injured my back and i cant play like i usually do..
there's this teammate who likes to enter ball..
he is the fella marking the s.c.p(selected country player)..
he is crazy demanding balls..
he is fast and he is a quite a outstanding shooter..

REASONS TO WHY I'M PISSED
i play the same position as he does..
i DO NOT THINK THT IM WEAKER THN HIM IN ANY ASPECTS..
yet he looks down on me..
basically he looks down on most ppl..
he demands the ball from all three of us..
he wants to play a fast game..
is he crazy or is he dumb??..
we are just average players..
we are fighting against a s.c.p..
he is a trained to perform without getting tired but we aint..
playing a fast ball had caused us our stamina..
we are not stable and we couldnt breathe...
we are puking blood but the s.c.p is just smiling..
cant he read the signs??..
ok...next thing is tht he gets block just because he wans to be fast..
HELLO??..
being fast also means u have to stable..
being blocked means there is something wrong with ur tactics..
AGAIN...IS HE BLIND??..
following up...i know and i understand everybody is tired due to the 'FAST GAME'..
he wants the ball,i understand..but HELL YEAH U SHOULD TRY ASKING IT BY WALKING TO A DISTANCE WHERE I CAN PASS...NOT BEING BLOCKED BY SOMEONE AND STILL STOOD THERE LIKE FREAKING A DONKEY...
and he still claims tht im being slow and i like doing tricks..
elo..im not allen iverson or jason williams or whatever NBA stars u wanna think i am..
im just an average player..
if i can see u thn i will pass to u..
if i can shoot why dont i??...
if i can cut why dont i??..
but all in his mind is 'I NEED THE BALL AND I SHOOT..IF I DONT ENTER MY TEAMMATES MUST REBOUND AND GIVE ME BACK THE BALL TO SHOOT!!"..
this is tottally ridicolous..
even kobe bryant learns how to assist..
even the great kobe bryant the fella who scored 81pts,2nd highest point scoring in nba all time,learns the meaning of teamwork..

THTS WHY I SAY UNEDUCATED PPL ARE UNEDUCATED PPL...
after ive quarrel a bit with him which i simply just complain tht i cant pass to him..
he WALKS OUT OF THE COURT...where in hell is his SPORTSMANSHIP..
WHO DOES HE THINKS HE IS??..WALKING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME??..
IF I WERE ANY FUTHER MAD I WOULD KNOCK THE LIGHTS OUT OF HIM...
ok...get done with tht which i manage to suppress my temper..
he has to make the final blow to leak my anger out..
after the game..i said sry to him..ME SAYING SRY TO HIM EVENTHOUGH I KNOW THT I AINT WRONG..
he tells me..DONT TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW..
EVEN A FREAKING BLIND AND HANDICAPPED PERSON KNOWS THT IVE PUT ASIDE MY PRIDE TO TELL U SRY..
U TELL ME THT U CANT SAY SOMETHING OTHER THAN 'dont talk to me right now!'..
my god..who does he really think he is..
what a pain in the ass tht son of bitch is..
either he is stupid blind and dumb or he looks too high upon himself..
in what ways always i cant stand the way he poke his fingers and steps onto my pride...
IN ANOTHER WAY...HE LOOKS DOWN ON ME...
what an uneducated son of bitch..
wasted his stupid time in school....
learned nth...
tell and advice me HOW TO SUPPRESS THIS HUMILIATION..
dont tell me to let it be cause i dont know how..
if worst come to worst i will and SURE DAMN HELL I WILL get into a fight with him..
ask him to messed with a 2nd DAN black belt holder in taekwondo and see lah what can happen to him....
AND NO...I DO NOT REGRET ANYTHING IVE SAID HERE...