am i just a hard headed boy or am i just being ignorant

there's a saying tht ignorance is a bliss..

people are like so different from one to another..
each individual has their own style and there pro and cons to them..

for this very moment,im having self doubts...
what kind of doubts??..
im asking myself..
everytime someone orders me around i tend to dislike it..
i detest in everyway..
in fact i love doing my way cause i do not see the reason why i cant do it my way..
sounds hard headed???..

sry but i disagree...
to me...who are u to direct me to do stuff..
unless i am willingly to do so..
its a goal...we are different individual..
i do not insist to do it my way or neither should u insist me to do it ur way...
and please do not feel mad cause i do not go ur way..
its very childlish..
in life we are often to meet up with disagreement..
i learn to accept the better to evade the worse...
like i said,different individual...
im willingly to hear ur reason..
but..
why are people always trying to push me around??..
i take it as though they are trying to bully me..
i do not like it..
i seriously do not like it at all..

ever went into a situation when everybody seems to have an opinion but its just they dont respect ur opinion??..
tht kind of humiliation should exist in friendships...
i do not understand why must we fear someone if tht very person is merely just another homo sapien?..
u know..people tend to think they are great..
even i cant deny tht i once and still felt tht i was born for greater things..
but dont get obsess with tht feeling or its called proud..

every person falls..
pride is always high before fall..
so why?..
why wanna show and tell how great u are and demand respect from other people..
yes...i cant deny tht i love talking bout great things ive been through but its not boast..
its my experience of life..
if a simple experience conversation become a tease topic for someone thn i truely lost the mood to talk or even to trust a friend..
do u know how hurt it is?..
tht when u share something and just because someone thinks tht ur trying to prove tht ur better than him..
thy say something mean..
1st of all..i do not have to prove myself worthy of a friend..
2nd of all...in a friendship who cares who's the better one??..

ok..confession tht i felt tht im smarter at times in my gang..
i dont put this gap into mind cause everyone is equally no matter how good we are..
once my post topic was benefits kills the moral of everyone..
i still felt this during hanging out with my buddies...
i can still felt disrespect from them towards me...
yet i couldnt find the courage to voice out..

if u can prove tht im wrong thn prove it..
i rather be wrong thn to think im right..
i rather not have friends who wouldnt tell me tht im wrong and would only tease of my mistakes..
in addition..if u dun like talking to me and felt tht im a threat to ur popularity...
voice it out..
i dont mind..
like i said..if popularity is what u want..
i rather give it to anyone..
cause it nvr last..
u might be great among the greatest..
but one day..time will take it all away...

i ermm..kinda have self doubt though..
am i not fierce enough or am i just being too hard headed to accept tht things change according to situations??..
do i not have a point in my opinion??..
do i not use my brain to before i talk??..
why does it seem tht every word i speak of seems to be a heart ache to u??...
if its until tht extend thn there goes our friendship..
cause i no longer felt anymore to be said..
i rather not know u so i couldnt hurt u anymore...

so..basically ppl say,'wah so busy ah??'..
actually im not busy..
rather i know tht im lonely cause i darent not voice out my feelings..
my blog is truely one place where i show my soft side..
no matter how hard i am on the outside life..
i do cry and i do bleed as same as anyone..
and my feelings are just as fragile as glass..
im not different in this aspect..
and pls for what ive blog do not ask or question..
its like an insult to my post..

am i just hard headed??..
ive always been responsible for my own things..
ive nvr ask anyone to pick up my troubles..
what ive done is what ill get..
the good or the bad is what i should i get..
i nvr open up myself to anyone cause no one ever ask..
i know the reason why they nvr ask..
everytime someone gets too close..
i stay away...
i cant stand being close with someone..
yet somehow and somewhere so deep inside my heart,yearns for the feeling of being close to someone..
someone i could talk what i feel and could advice me in everyway without getting tired...
someone actually for the 1st time in my life..i could depend on..
yet so long and dont know when will be the right time i find tht very person..

and friends are ppl who dont care how high or how low u are..
even if ur the idiot of the century but u treat everyone equally as u do..
ur a friend..
i do not understand what is there to be proud of having a model or a superstar or a country player or a nominated star...
u know what...i dont care..
to hell to what u are..
i will treat u as a normal friend..
nothing more...nobody deserve to be treat better because he is filthy rich and popular..
nobody deserves to be look down or to be left alone because thy are not good enough..
we are equal...