im stuck in between a choice of my own and all the people around me

im stuck,i cant move and i cant think...
i cant relax,i got like all the time in the world and i cant make a decision..

my feelings are afraid and confuse..
i know this isnt something i should be thinking now but its like rewinding in my head over and over again..
it doesnt make me sad but it makes me stupidly thinking....

ever try to plant a seed,nuture it with all ur heart,watering it everyday,hoping it would bloom into something beautiful..
but suddenly a storm came,the wind was so strong that the leaves of the plant u cared so much,torn leaf by leaf by ur very own eyes that instantly it died...
after a series of hard time u were left with nothing..
people tease u that u werent smart enough to create a shelter for it..
u did not tend to protect that all u were trying to is make things grow out instead of fixing the obvious problem eventhough uve been told forth and back yet ure unable to realise...
months later u got another seed...
u were hoping to give it another try however due to past experience u were confuse..
the question u ask is 'should i??,whether u wan it or not??'..
and all this questions make u hesitate and put a hold to taking any action hoping time would solve the ridle for u...
yet day after another day passes by..
u still hope that time would take away the pain of yesterday and solve ur ridle..
as time flies by,the seed eventually died..
u regret..u were thinking of all the beautiful things could happen instead of death..
as one door closes another opens up,yet an other seed appears before ur very eyes for u..
however u are afraid again..
people around u were so different in opinion..
one side of the hand said that give it another try so that u will learn..
the other side of the hand said to not give it a try because u yet no learn to take care and had cause two death...
in such a big turn ure back to square one..
right at where u started..
ure stuck..

what can u all give me as an advice??..
i wanna like her and get to know her..
yet people around are so different in their opinion..
im holding back my feelings..
some people are claiming that i am being unloyal..
said that i could love a girl this moment and moments later its another one..
friends say that happiness is searched not through other's mouth..
some people said that she aint a decent girl,aint simple as i think she is..
friends say get to know her urself...judge her from what u know bout her urself..

things are not spoken unless something more or less did happen..
what am i to do??.
hurrrrrm..
stuck..and everytime im at it..i run by playing..
hoping time passby so i wont need to think of it..
but every night as i go to sleep..
the question pops!!back to square one..
i do not know if i will and can get her..
but not trying seem dumb of me..
trying would also seem foolish of me..

shall i or shall i not???..
ahhh...play dota(will lose eventually)..