im kinda depressed...KINDA ONLY...

she rejected me tht i asked her out on a date..
lol..
ouch??..
oh well..
whn i was in hong kong all i could think of is buying presents for her..
trying to msg whenever there's a line through..
but since i was back from hong kong..
i realise she doesnt pay much attention as i was hoping for...
kinda sad though..
but i think ill live..
the feeling is still there but it aint strong no more..
its so insecure being around her...
one moment she's turn on to chatting to me..
another moment she seems busy and all those stuff..
i just wanna be with her..
but if she's making it hard for me to be just around her..
i dunno how long am i to survive this torment..

oh well...kinda nice though after coming back from hong kong..
girls there are stupendously beautiful....
and coming back from hong kong made me a branded crazy fella..
ive got a head to bottom original parts from different brands..(expect my pants and jeans)
oh wel.. i will update one later..
a longer one..kinda lame with this post..

what must i do nxt??..more bout me..

ngah..she ran out of credit..
not chatting with her is like suffocating for air..
no air and no energy to keep the pursue...
oh well..guess ill have to wait..
what ill wait?..
of course a miracle to happen between us..
kinda foolish though,don't u agree??..
waiting for something but i dare not take any action..
yeap..i'm afraid...
still how i still hope she is different..

i never could get it when people say i flirt..
could anyone possibly explain whats flirt??..
if ur saying that i know too many girls,thts false..
yes i do know girls but what's it gotta do with flirt??..
other than tht,if ur claiming im being too close with girls instead of guys..
my answer,what's wrong having a best friend from the opposite sex??..
and if ur saying tht i spend my cash on girls and sweet talk to girls..
my answer,its my cash,i spend on who and what,does it bother u??.
sweet talk?..hey,mayb its just my style..
oh come on..name a possible living human guy tht doesnt wanna know any girls??..
a guy doesnt chat with the opposite sex??..
a guy who dont spend their cash on girls??..
i used be quickly angry if i was thrown on words to my face like 'ur flirting,stop flirting,are u trying to flirt with me??'
now i ermm..wouldnt be angry coze i rather tell myself tht mayb u dont understand me well or u just couldnt accept my way..
ok..a few things i do admit..
1)true ive fallen for a lot of girls but tht doesnt make me a guy who is flirting,this is lame..
2)yeah..i tried liking two girls at once..nth to explain here,my bad..
3)no deny tht i do get pretty close with girls eventhough ive just known them..im more open-minded??..
4)NO,i dont flirt to get myself satisfy,only to the one's i love..
5)NO ,ive nvr tried having two girlfriends at once,i see myself as being more loyal...
6)yeah..i do treat girls better thn guys..dont every guy do??..
7)no..ive nvr tried courting a girl with a bf..i stay away from these stuff,they get complicated..
8)NO..ive nvr use songs to make girls happy..

im not the most modest guy or held the highest pride guy but i do know where i stand and i know when i have crossed the line...
so quit it..i dont always flirt..replace the word with socialise..
it seems to be more appropriate..
and yeah,ive change to be more shy because of this issue..

so u see,i do not hope tht the person i like felt tht i love to flirt...
it hurts...
ngah...i hope she isnt..
u know..every 5minutes i think of her once..
i dunno what to think but just her..
its like she's stuck in my mind..appearing over and over again..
lol..
i dunno..
she's adorable and fierce..
she makes me happy eventhough she keeps up her attitude..
she's kinda the person tht keeps up her smile eventhough she has her troubles..
she's tough..
i dunno..it kinda gives me the feel tht she is hot and sexy...
yeah..i admit she is pretty..
but to me..whats most important,i felt tht she is nice to talk with..
ok..i think thts enough of her..wouldnt wan her to be shock if she read's my blog.
and yeah..i do wan her to view my blog to know..

life is always upon lies therefore stay put and listen to ur heart

close ur eyes in ur own room alone..
listen to ur own heartbeat...
ever listen to words from ur heart??..
u make the best decision while ur calm and ready..
its because u dont haste to make a decision..agree??..
so words from another person's mouth are just basically temptation which u nvr know whether is it just mere lies or a misunderstanding or it's the truth..
so ive answered myself with this verse tht is 'trust ur own heart'..
neither wrong or right the choice was made by ur own..
no one to blame other thn urself..
agree??..
so time proven one thing to me..
even the greater and the mightier falls upon their own words..
what do i mean?..
it means tht no one is far too good to fall..
no one is as good as nearly to pure..
so i realise this tht even the greater men and women falls to hold strong to their own words..
this is one thing i thought only im the fool to do this mistake again and again..
no..im not saying tht im mightier or greater..
im saying tht im a person who always tried to work hard for the things i said..
sometimes i dissappoint them..
i really hate the looks of dissappointment..

wei i do have some picture i really wan to post it here..

















cant stand her,princess fiona..
















still cant stand u princess fiona..

















this picture rocks ok??..although we are posing but its nice..

















1,2,3 and i felt asleep...





















big head god..please let my head grow bigger...

geez..i hope my love fortune just come back..
its like im serious for this girl but i dont dare to..
ive got no confident..
and ive been finding her a lot recently although she was in camp..

and if she knew,i really would tell her..
id rather spend bad times with u thn spend good times with other people..
i couldnt bare to live seeing u not being with me..
id regret if i dont tell u now..
i really do love u..

but..i dont think i would find the guts to tell her this..
im leaving for hong kong for a week..
i dont know how to tell her and how to communicate with her there..
and plus after christmas is over she would be starting school and ive gotta work..
im planning and planning just to see how i can see her more other thn at tkd lessons..
so the chances are fading and im losing my confidence..
in addition,after the previous relationship..
i wouldnt dare too..
i know its not fair to bring whats previous upon to the present.
but it haunts me to be felt being left alone once again..
i dont know much bout what she went through but pretty much as im afraid i dunno what will be on the coming days..
haihz..i wish to talk to her now but i dont know if she is resting or she just dont wan to talk to me..
im a pretty selfish person..
i know tht..
i don give much cause im afraid of losing..
so im listening to my heart...

benefit kills the morals of anyone..

well ermm..recently was in pangkor with my buddies..
sure there is a lot of pictures..
there was tons of fun..
and ermm..a lot of happy moments..
u know this is the real 1st time i head out on my own with my fren to someplace where technology isnt at its cutting edge and computers werent famous yet..
i think i kinda manage to keep myself and uphold my manners while i was in some other people's place..
we went cycling to having time in the sea and beach..
although thy werent any pretty girls to gaze at but the view itself took away the breathe of mine..
gorgeous...
its was peaceful there..
we could gamble and sit on motorcycle's without the police interfering..
we set off as a gang to eat with reasonable prices tht u couldnt have found it in kl..
things were so much different from the city..
u could just sit back relax and have a laugh with ur frens...
life like this just make things so quite..
but truely money was really a factor to enjoyment..
every part of the world was about the green notes..
anyways..im gonna updated the picture in my next blog..
the ermm..pictures arent in my hands yet..

so back to my topic..
ive always told myself tht frens cannot be fully depend on..
well,it has proven itself once again..
nobody can survive with keep losing..
nobody dislike benefits..
even from one fren to another fren.
its the benefits tht count..
disagree??..
let me list..
if ure fren is ugly and lame..
if a person is handicap
if a person is just disturbing
if ure fren is rather retard..

do u think tht u dont mind??..
or would rather choose those of

popular rich handsome pretty tall muscular the wise..
people lose their moral to achieve these stuff..
but i sincerely feel tht its not worth it..
in fact if anyone were to tell this to my face..
i feel tht im a disgrace to the human being..
we arent any different from the looks to the inner organ..
u think tht brad pitt or britney has beautiful organ or blue bloods..
no..we are all red..
so why lose our morals to these shit stuff??..
it aint important..
what is important is the heart..
i dont know and i rather be fooled with treating a person with a sincere heart rather thn a faking heart..
u know tht it hurts to be holding a double edged sword with a fren,nvr knowing whn it will stab u back..

men's magazine..

its been a few days since my last post AGAIN..
well,as u all do notice tht the big examination is over and most people are half way out of their mind celebrating while im stuck with medication instead..
true..ive been sick for a few days...
i had this viral infection which is situated in my throat..
basically its swelling up and its giving a severe headache..
in addition to some body ache and ermm..flu..
i was even told tht i was suspected for DENGGI..
lol..

i dont mind being sick bcoze u can sleep all day and no one blames u..
but its the medicine tht sucks..
i vomitted yesterday morning due to consuming the pills with an empty stomach..
doctor said tht my immune system was down due to examination stress
well..today is the third day im on medication..
and im feeling much better..
even went for basketball today..

talking bout today's basketball..
totally humiliating..
i was kinda pissed again..
it wasnt my teammates fault to blame but its the mouth and words tht was like a blade stab onto ur chest..
i really let it get off my chest here..
there's this guy and i been fren for quite some time..
as a matter of fact its been almost 4 years since ive known him..
thought i pretty am sure im not the type of fren whom is suitable to mix with him but i do treat him as a brother and i do pretty much look upon him..
he is tall and dark and he is always like a someone to chase up to in bball..
but he is a very funny weirdo..
i do not wish to describe his bad things but he likes to tease me..
as much as he thinks tht im an immature person and doesnt respect my decisions..
i still do not get pissed at him..
however i can say today he kinda said something i didnt really liked..
actually i really didnt appreciate his words at all..
we were in a game for like a few rounds already and i know we all are tired..
he was busy shooting the 3 pointers showing off as usual..
everyone is tired..
even me..
and he suddenly slams the words down..
'DO U WANA PLAY OR NOT??'
IF U DOWAN THN U GET OUT OF THE COURT'..

dont u think i dowan to give it my best if he gets all the ball and shoots all the ball??.
hell cares if it enters or not..
im not the tallesst or the strongest..
how do u expect to shine if he is getting all the ball??.
basically its rude of him to say so..
secondly,why blame me tht i dont wan to play??..
i was a free man but he insist of shooting the ball..
what can i do??.
show him a middle finger??..

im not angry bcoze he shoots all the ball..
im angry coze he takes me for granted..
i do not like being teased at whn we are in a inappropriate situation like this morning..
u know..it sounds like ure the big show,hell yeah everybody focus on u..
and whn he doesnt enter..find me,slap the shit out of me for not helping him to enter the ball..
it frus me..
i do not want to reply him with anything since he thinks he is right..
i mean everybody has their own story to tell..
if i tell it out at then he might find other people to support him and tease me again..
sometimes he is too arrogant..
sometimes he thinks he is the show..
its all bout him..
but u know sometimes it just aint...
ur good and there is no doubt bout it..
but u aint the only fish in the whole pond..
some mayb do have stronger attraction of pattern..
it just boreds me tht he does things tht is all bout him..

oh well..regarding my topic..
men's magazine..
hell yeah..there's a lot of information in this books..
i can tell u tht its basically the best thing tht u can give something to a guy..
from exercise to food qualities to tackling and understanding girls...
sex to comfort,safety,ermm..so much to describe bout the book..
i seriously find it interesting to read..
who knew tofu could lead to losing memories for men in the age of fifties??..
and sperm produciton denatured whn sit on a hot chair??..
wow..
the best thing is tht this book teaches u what dad wouldnt like to teach u..
oh well..basically im used up my time and its time for me to rest again..
till then..

why this move whn u know it shouldnt be done..

i cannot stand something thtz been in my chest for too long..
i gotta find a way to let it all out..
and i tend to share it with people,frens,parents or anyone tht seem close to me..

ever have self doubt whether who u r siding is in a wrong position??..
whatcha next move??..
i spend 3 hours alone thinking bout this question..
i couldnt gave me a good answer but at least i came up with something..
i said to myself,change sides..
let the cards play itself..
but thn i think again..
what happens if the card u flip was a better thn the one u used to side??..
another mistake pops up??..

u know,its like a maze with one start and a few dead end..
how do u know tht ur choice is the right one??..
how determine are u??..

i cannot bare myself to take the blame coze im afraid tht it might hurt someone or many ones..
i erm..couldnt stand the thought of everyone pointing their fingers at me..

even sometimes u couldnt possibly execute the right move just becoze its not the right time..
yeah..i mean we are born to be unperfect but which is the right decision??..
how can predict tht it might go wrong but somehow u still go for it??
why wanna take the wrong foot and fall??
why wanna be in pain whn u could have hold on and dont move..
aikz..somehow i still cannot answer myself..