not such a good day..saturday-25/10

well,ermm..okay..lets start with its not such a good day..
today really really sucked..
i felt tht i wasnt appreciated by my frens today..
as much as this kinda ruin the mood but i wish to express it here..
because u know,thts what a blog is for..
i really wanna know..
feeling left out is something so usual but why do we tend to think so much bout it..
who are ur true frens??.
i know i study in my school but i mix with another school..
my frens are all in the other school..
at 1st,i really really thought i was found..
found by some good frens tht would lead me to joy..
however today prove tht my thoughts were wrong..
i know im not the kinda of mature person or yet the person tht hits with every joke...
but being ignored and being so left out...
whats the point of being frens if so??..
i dont hope to desert myself from them but it seem meaningless..
they ask me to help them and i think i nvr held back with everything i could in my power..
in a u-turn,i felt tht the way i help is a mandatory..
i kept silent and kept thinking..
im a human..
i am not mend to help anyone but only my own desires..
if i were to help u,u are consider lucky because i didnt hope for anything back..
but nvr shall one is born to help anyone..
make this clear tht i have anger and my pride is something u dont wanna challenge..
i not clarifying tht thy are not worthy to be my frens but all i wan is a understanding fren tht nvr makes me felt left out and not only finds me when they need my help..
oh well..i guess tht sucks..
as to move to lead on to my unhappiness..
is tht im single and i like someone whom i know i nvr can get back,keeping silently without a sound..
it gives me the frustration..
i know i not such a good guy but why ppl can turn against their feelings..
dont tht really makes u unhappy..
to know tht doing this will u make u happy but because of one mistake,u rather turn down all chances and chose the path tht u are certain tht ur unhappy..
wow..life is like strangling at the neck with every decision u make..
the consequences are u to suffer..
said who does life is made easy??..
i really wish to find someone tht loves me as much as i love her..
mayb ppl look at me as im very random loving someone..
but feel me whn all i ever love was ppl who kept on hurting me..
i know it sucks but i learn to move on from one to another..
though it mayb quick but this shows how undying my spirit is..
once i fall i stand again..
is tht something someone should take notice and claiming tht i change too fast??..
nvr make urself unhappy but to take notice of good things tht will make urself happy..
this advice was given from one of my frens..
i can give everything for one girl but can she??.
who is tht very person im looking for??..
why is it such a long path finding one??..
im so eager,thrist and sometimes desperate for the answer..
mayb thts why im such a rush in to find tht person..
but blame me for making the wrong decision..
however dont blame me for making the decision as i only wanted someone who loves me...
oh well...guess life goes on..
my moto for now..
see ya and god bless..