come and u go as u may

months just trying so hard to be accepted by them
but frankly at this moment i don't want to try anymore..
as if anything i do will make them treat me as their friend anymore..

though ive gotta be frank that it still bitters this heart of mine..
it wasn't really bout what i do or did to think back..
it was all about them accepting me as a friend..
from conversation to sharing out secrets to hanging out at which place.
all their lies and action have leave behind a scar that deep that it hurts everytime just thinking about it.

i've understand the point that everybody have secret..
and they may choose who they shall share it with..
but sticking around as a gang that it seems that what one knows i dont know..
what are they currently feel i could not ever understand
they made us feel like two worlds apart...

i tried and tried asking myself if it was what i did but it was them all along
so come and u go as u may for this heart of mine will no longer grow fond or bitter of the absence of u friends....

it comes and it goes..does it feel like crap when it stays??

one moment i could all furious about the world being unfair to me..
another moment, i couldnt stop blaming myself fall all that ive not done well..

ahhh...wish i could sleep right now..
these eyes of mine shut and the problems pop's out..
one night i sleep early thn all comes crashing down..
=.=..sometimes i ask myself why does god create a sleeping period for human when error could occur just by sleeping early or fall asleep..

it's like MATH exam is coming up then tomolo is presentation and saturday another presentation and on saturday itself i have competition which im afraid it would clash..

to add salt to the wound, the only time that my brain could secrete endorphin for my brain to relax had been ruin because she didnt reply me in facebok and she isnt online..

suddenly all things seem to bang each other like the theory of collision..
soon im gonna a breakdown where i will throw everything aside and fall sick..
i soooo wish i could have a break where no exam are coming up..

huh.....BUT i know life aint made easy so ive gotta bring my butt up and start working like a mad cow again...
i havent been working hard for some years and have been depending on my frens to help me..
but i will pick up my butt and go to war again..
wish me lah people...

desperate

love someone u shouldnt have...
i keep on thinking if i should continue keeping the current condition with this girl..
see she is older than me, a cheerful friendly beauty nice sweet and naughty girl..
she is everything i yearn for in a girl..
from the way she chats to the way she smile and the way she acts dumb when she sees me..
everything she does is attracting me closer but it still doesn't move any closer...

she's become my obsession..
i kept telling myself that i will keep my distance so that i could pull out whenever i want..
but this other side of me keeps telling me to not let the chance of getting her..
she is the type where u lose that one chance thn its gone forever..

she's not rejecting but she is not accepting..
she chats but she's not revealing anything bout what she feels..

i feel that i can see right through her act of dumbness however im not sure of the answer myself..
i try to keep her out of my mind,try to relax but every time i close my eyes, the image of her pop's out...

have i fallen so deep??..
i doubt so but i think so..
i know that the chances are low but heck there's nothing to lose just trying...
but by trying will i ever get to pull myself out..

all this darn question keeps popping out..
she is like a princess from one side and another rocker's daughter on the other side..
how bad is she is what made her so damn attractive...

she ask questions that i need to cast my ego aside and reveal my true intention...
says who ladies are weak??..

psfff...can i ever let go??......

being brave isnt stupid and blind

Some people say 'wah, u are very brave', u must be crazy...
Then people expect that u will do any thing that seems crazy to them which eventually they will ask u do it for them..

HEAR ME SAY THIS ONCE..
i cannot stand any bullshit that goes like u are more brave and i am not brave..
its not that i am more brave and u dont have guts, its whether are u willing to throw the dice and see what number u might get..its bout whether u can lose or u cant give it up..
yes,to me things that might seem difficult is more challenging and hence i will take the risk..
in fact, at times i am reckless and hurtful..
i dont do things with thinking too much..
to me by the time u are done thinking the challenge is all over..
and no i am not stupid..risk brings a meaning that there is a probability of failing and succeeding...
and u wont know..yes,it might end up failing, but at least i tried...

i often hear people around me say i am scared so jit lun why dont u do it for me??..
or jit lun go do it for me please,u are more brave than i am...
or even, u are brave without using brains so why dont u do it..
as if im the one with brains but im not using them..

actually i get very piss off with these verses...
if u are afraid defines that u are weak but u still can do something bout it.
u can take the risk ahead, play with it..
for every stone u throw, the chance of hitting the jackpot is much closer...
u learn from every time u fail and feel glad everytime u succeed...

but if u tell me that u wanna stay weak then go ahead..
to me,people who use that verse are just synonym to rubbish...

to might actually hear someone say that they rather stay weak then take risk is just a waste of breath talking to them..
at least u do everything u can and there are no regrets of not trying hard enough..

SO FOR THE LAST TIME dont tell me u are afraid and u wont try..
i am so done and over such nonsense....
im moving on....
people think that brave people don't have feelings hence they ask whatever nonsense and say thing as they please...
let me tell u that,yes in hell we have feelings, even brave people are scared..
but we held up our guts, live up to the challenge and take risks...
that is what made us people brave and not weak...
don't get the wrong concept that brave is an inheritance because it is born within everyone's blood and it's only how one find the way to search for this braveness....