Angry angry..

cannot withstand my temper..
im losing my control over my anger again..
sometimes it feels so not good to hold my temper back..

some people dont use their dumb brain to talk..
just thinking back just awfully makes u sick to the gut about the words they say..
dont in hell think that u know more than anyone or u are smarter yet cooler than anyone..
remember that u are no one to tell me how to dress and style..
just because some people afford to buy the clothes that ur eyes look nice THAT nvr ever means that i can afford..
so what if im broke??..and i dont dress cool like u think..
its my style and live with it..
i dont need ur brainless and foolish words to tell me that it's not nice..
im just entertaining ur words like im entertaining a dog..
i like what im wearing..
it makes me feel comfortable and it's enough..
yes,im not wearng anything branded or does it look cool for u..
but i LIKE IT..here,maybe a verse could give u a piece of my mind,DAMN U,MY STYLE..

and please dont tell me that im hard headed..
why in hell would u like to take any action for me??.
its my decision to make, not urs..
u got nth better to than to control my life??.
here, another verse, to HELL WITH U??...

tired,stressed out,nightmares are coming more often..
i dont even feel like talking nowadays..
so tired of having the same treatment..
u dont wan to treat me as a fren thn stop it..
im fined with it..
i can bare the truth all friends are born with lies..
dont tell me that ure there for me cause only i said that and will do it..
i may not be the best of friends but i give my heart to treat a friend..
yeah,im not amused by ur jokes and to many people im very uneducated..
i live with all these insults in my life..
in case u had no idea what i really went through,im a great actor..
i hide all my emotions away so none of u idiotic brainless fools can guess me..
DONT TELL ME U KNOW WHAT IM GONNA NEXT..
cause i know what im capable of...
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH..
THIS NIGHT SEEMS SO FULL OF ANGER...
I DOWAN TO LISTEN TALK AND EVEN THINK OF WHAT A IDIOTIC PERSON SAID..
sick to the gut...

COnfession..

its 12.20 midnight and im feeling sexy..lol
i feel like i wanna dance around my house without my clothes on..
lol...
always felt like i was born for the lesser-clothes types..
but oh well,everyone thinks it's gay and crazy,so what can i do??..
find another thing which could stimulate me..

stuck up,weeeeeeeeeeee....my brain could only think of work work work,study study and study,basketball basketball more basketball..
what to do??..no money means cannot study, no studies mean i can't have a better work, and no basketball would mean im a workaholic and nerd..
but my body can't take so much work at once..
dunno what should i supply my body with to stay active for longer period of time..
eat also need money!!!!!!!

dont wanna be all that ppl said i am to be..

i really am aroused that the fact of people hate being controlled but they like controlling people..
some people like to tell other that they should do this and that..
harsh as the fact is,I'm part of them..

sometimes i wonder if i had too much fun till there is no restrictions toward my saying and action..
though it often brings unfortunate endings, i cant help but to go down that road again..
it's like I'm running from my responsibility..
am i??..hmm..
cant stop thinking bout this fact..

u know that people often say that a man can bear much responsibility on their shoulders but i guess I'm not that man most people are hoping for..
sometimes i hinder away from troubles..
I'm afraid..
I'm afraid not because i know im right,im afraid to that my action are wrong..
ppl say that im rude..
but the fact is that u dont even know me, then dont start critisizing bout me..
not one thing u understand bout where i come from and how can i stand being so rude..
if in reality check up,given a choice,would u think i wanna be rude??.
u really do feel that i love being acting so selfishly,saying words that could hurt everybody..
or maybe u dont get the point that its not the nature of me being polite..

knowing that im a rude and full of rage, i know i cant stay in a normal friendship, relationship without hurting them..
so in my position i would think that i could tell all the people in the world about my bad side, and let the people find the good side of me..
although im not much of a good person as my bad attributes over lapse my good atrributes, but its doesnt mean i dont have one..
im just living on the survivor law..what u can win, u join em..
u blend into what u cant overcome..
i can't overcome how i rude ive been,so i blend by mixing with people who are willing to accept me..

tequila night..

so today is just not the ordinary Sunday...
see today dad brought us to sky bar..
and i had what I've always wish for,TEQUILA..
haha..
i know i sound like an alcoholic but hey,everyone got his/her own interest..
don't stop me..

well,at the first sip,the tequila tasted like oh shit,so not nice..
but as your taste bud feeds on the taste,slowly it becomes an addiction..
u could feel every sip brings such excitement to ur body..
making it hot..
with sky bar's view and such dimly lighted bar,the mood is just so soothing n relaxing..
thinking back is just such a place to go back again..

but all things have two side..
now im having allergies against the high does of tequila..
im itching throughout my whole body..
some parts where they are swelled up..
thought it does bring discomfort to me but well,i guess it's all worth it..
cause i've tried something i've been longing to try...haha..

oh yeah,the name of the tequila i drank was deluxe Margarita..
ahaha...itchy itchy..haha..there are some pictures of it but im sooo lazy to update it..
haha...maybe someday later...

the world stops at this moment

its almost 1...
its dark and the sky are no longer the blue ones..
it's one of the longest moment in my life again..
yet ive done so much thinking again..
still after so much thinking and nothing have been done or said..
it's such a sad moment cause im all alone with nobody to chat with right now..
people whom i thought was my friend have become such strangers..

i lay my hand off them and i shall remember why i did it..

i am thinking if ppl see me happy would they be happy??..
is there no anger in me??..why i am feeling like im losing my touch ??..
there's this girl whom i presume i grew fond of...
she asked me to be her 'brother' which actually did make my heart ache..
but what is off this feeling??.
i dont even know if it's here to stay and last??..
i dont want to waste my time chasing ghost again..
i dont want to even give a second to think of starting one if we just have to try??.

what's it like living in a world where everybody likes u??.
and ur life is just so perfect??.
where is the life if people around u are just in disguise??..
the one thing ive always dream of,group of friends hanging having fun,the limit breakers,rule opposer..
seems such a long and bumby glance of it just itches my heart...
huh...

i miss mummy(jenny)

somehow somewhere in this heart, i missed her right now..
lol...spending time with her seems kinda fun or maybe because she is the first person to make me think that my life is not hard at all when it comes to other to compare..
thinking back about the topic we had in mid valley and all the junk food we ate was fun...
haha..
we have something to talk always and something said when nothing is said..
ok lah,missed it but it was all sealed within my memory as of now we are on our own busy road again..
seems like even weekends are so short.
whatever happen to live ur life??..
there's work,study,health,sports...
all do but no talk...
what's life to it??..
it's like we're bounded by shackles...
somehow i gotta find something interests me...
im finding life boring...hah...

thn what bout this feeling i have for this girl??..real??..fake??..or just a passby??..
mostly another passby i guess..
ppl who comes with a fresh feeling thn fades with time..
all seems so short to stay..
when will one come and stay??.
it is too hard to ask for one,who loves unconditonally??..
or am i still sulking and still asking who i am??
being on the road to find who u really are isnt a bright and smooth road but rather a dark road with bumby hills...
ahh,i complain too much dont i..
but if i dont,i can barely think of something to say in here...
hah,am tired already...
update soon i guess..

disguise??..

freaking people have freaking ways to threat their freaking friends..
to think that i was doing the right thing by helping a hand down just to know that its just another person in disguise..
u know there were times where u thought that this is the friend that needs your help...
u don't who is right and who is wrong..
u just want to help..
ur doing ur damn best to do something right for ur friend..

u don't care what the trouble is or what u have to lose to win this battle,all u do is just head straight because ur friend needs ur help..

in the end just to know that it was all just a gimmick that she was just desperate for attention..
im fed up,u know..
it ends that what i did for em doesn't seem to matter to them at all..
the jokes on me..
i did something which i shouldn't even bother..
ya know how depressing it feels when u got to know that ur friends were wearing a mask and u discover the truth by urself and not another friend informing u..
sick and tired of these kind of lies...
yet they turn to me and said 'we're friends'...
to hell with it...