can u blame me for not being loyal??

i always hear people say that 'JIT LUN CHANGE TARGET AGAIN AH?BE LOYAL A BIT LAH'..
aha..but dont matter im over it...
well,truth is that i find it very dumb to stay loyal to someone for a long period of time..
its pointless..
to me is that it's either they love u or u don't..
u nvr get to understand love,agree?
what u will do for love is totally unpredictable..
so i usually ask myself when i wanna change my target..
short pain or long pain??
simple as it sounds,the meaning of it is pretty deep and clear..

nah..im just saying this cause it seems like my crush has a bf already..
so it means that she is my crushed crush so no point of liking her anymore..
lah..she is just so nice and yet not nice now..
reason for that is that she is still nice as i do have a bit of feeling left for her..not nice is that she is owned by another man and im happy for her..
cheers!!

oh yeah,currently working nowadays..
im working in connaught pharmacies..
oh goodie,nice job, low payment,nice knowledge and loads of fun..
been working for the 2nd day as of yesterday and today.
met nice people whom i get to click along with..

yeah,its really educating but im not really free to workout these few days..
i am so itched by just having the thought of playing bball..
miss it so badly..
fuuhh..life only looks good but nvr tasted good...
oh well tired and exhausted..time to watch cartoon!!...
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

holiday!!!

today is a freaking tired day..
not enough sleep..
woke up early..
went spastic at the basketball court..
spend like 8 hours outside..
and cut my hair..


well the best part of the day is definitely cutting my hair today by a hot hot girl..
i'll get to there..

see not enough sleep for jit lun = simply smiling for fun = spastic..
everything i said cannot be taken account for..

kinda rock today cause bball was like 20 to 30 over ppl in the court..
many people = fun = jit lun spastic with them= memalukan

the equation is to help u understand what other people are feeling bout me..

so thn after bball,as usual cc it is...
today is quite fun as nobody disturb what we wanted to play..
so yeah,fun..but sorry hon sim yen chin and adrian that i have to leave u guys alone..
i understand that u guys took the courtesy to come and find me to play bball..
but i still have the responsibility to teman my other friends too..
im so sorry..wish u guys could understand...

then after like 3 hours cc-ing, went to cut hair..

oh yeah..with brother ka hoe and sue yong and mr nice bf chen hoong, oh yeah go cut hair..
though i did like my previous hair before the cut, look so korean my god..
haha...but then now look more of the 'hey, neat hair cut or for me, its sexy!'..(DON'T ASK ME TO DEFINE WHAT IS SEXY TO ME)

but the best part is that my hair was cut by a beautiful jie jie..
haha..me and my jie jie again..
i went to the shop for more than my feet and fingers could sum up but i never know what this jie jie's name is..
well, i dunno if it's her job to ask me question but she did ask me a lot of question but i answer her with a simply 'em,ah,no yes, err,or gah'...
maybe i was shy..
but no lah..
i wasn't..
her boss was there..
how was i gonna flirt with her??..
flirt??(too strong of a word)...
well, jit lun right..
then went to makan at lm..
then went home and eat dinner!!..
full till i feel funny...
well its ok for the day..
but i am damn exhausted...
i can barely lift my leg straight and wave goodbye with my leg...

love comes free

sometimes i ask myself am i that irritating or is it just that people seem to dislike me..
though i cannot find the answers to my questions..
as the answer is always different for each person..

but as for the moment what calm this heart of mine is that they love me not..
its not hard to see that sometimes love could get sick of..
people say its what u do and speak that matters, so does that define that my action has always been wrong and irritating?
for all the thing ive done wrong there must be something right,right??

i dont know what made me now but for who i am , i am not satisfy..
im stuck and still finding who i am really..
why and why??..sometimes question keeps on popping and running through my head..
from friends,who really does care about what i feel??
testing who is my friends is a low move but by not testing how would you know??
some say give faith??.but is faith a false hope??
i see faces everyday that i don't even know what to say to them..
just by their looks ,i don't even know if i can trust...
they scare me but as of always im up to the challenge..
i measure and plot my words around..
is this what a friend should feel??
some people be urself and naturally friends will come up..
be myself as in how sometimes i could count more enemies than friends??..
sometimes when i think back of the innocent minds and faces being pollute by the very scum idea of many people is correct, i feel pity..
pity because they could not make a choice to stand up for what is right or wrong..
sometimes majority does not rule..
even the minor yet standing one shall shine and rise above all else...
no one is said to all right or all wrong..
i believe equilibrium in this world..
where one is wrong while he is still right and right while he is still wrong..
being reasonable isn't a daily lesson in our life..
many things are taken into consideration before are being called reasonable..

fuh,sometimes i think im too complicated..
measure and plot??.
am i too defensive??
or am i too aggressive..
but of all things i believe in love comes free...
not a single thing is more valuable than love when it comes free...
right now as of this moment, i cried out another problem that i had troubles finding way to put into words..
right now,ive one less problem and im happy about it..
and i know it sounds very emotional in here..
are my blog isn't very subjective to whom im talking about but for those who felt shall realize that they've manage to influence me so much that i can write a whole blog about them..
they are not people i hate but somehow people i care...

emo emo emo..

blast,it seems that ive really lost the mood to blog..
its boring here..
i still don't have a clue how to get a chat box and it feels like nobody cares about my blog..
feels like no reason to blog..

but then,its a responsibility since i've open an account..
so i dealing with it..

y does it seems that everyone is having more fun than i do??.
am i still stuck on the question, am i not sociable enough?..
hm..why why why..

men can never understand woman..
how far do i agree with that??..
100%..
for example everything went smooth today then suddenly after dinner mum gets pissed of at me..
special day of the month??..
can never understand woman...

come and u go as u may

months just trying so hard to be accepted by them
but frankly at this moment i don't want to try anymore..
as if anything i do will make them treat me as their friend anymore..

though ive gotta be frank that it still bitters this heart of mine..
it wasn't really bout what i do or did to think back..
it was all about them accepting me as a friend..
from conversation to sharing out secrets to hanging out at which place.
all their lies and action have leave behind a scar that deep that it hurts everytime just thinking about it.

i've understand the point that everybody have secret..
and they may choose who they shall share it with..
but sticking around as a gang that it seems that what one knows i dont know..
what are they currently feel i could not ever understand
they made us feel like two worlds apart...

i tried and tried asking myself if it was what i did but it was them all along
so come and u go as u may for this heart of mine will no longer grow fond or bitter of the absence of u friends....

it comes and it goes..does it feel like crap when it stays??

one moment i could all furious about the world being unfair to me..
another moment, i couldnt stop blaming myself fall all that ive not done well..

ahhh...wish i could sleep right now..
these eyes of mine shut and the problems pop's out..
one night i sleep early thn all comes crashing down..
=.=..sometimes i ask myself why does god create a sleeping period for human when error could occur just by sleeping early or fall asleep..

it's like MATH exam is coming up then tomolo is presentation and saturday another presentation and on saturday itself i have competition which im afraid it would clash..

to add salt to the wound, the only time that my brain could secrete endorphin for my brain to relax had been ruin because she didnt reply me in facebok and she isnt online..

suddenly all things seem to bang each other like the theory of collision..
soon im gonna a breakdown where i will throw everything aside and fall sick..
i soooo wish i could have a break where no exam are coming up..

huh.....BUT i know life aint made easy so ive gotta bring my butt up and start working like a mad cow again...
i havent been working hard for some years and have been depending on my frens to help me..
but i will pick up my butt and go to war again..
wish me lah people...

desperate

love someone u shouldnt have...
i keep on thinking if i should continue keeping the current condition with this girl..
see she is older than me, a cheerful friendly beauty nice sweet and naughty girl..
she is everything i yearn for in a girl..
from the way she chats to the way she smile and the way she acts dumb when she sees me..
everything she does is attracting me closer but it still doesn't move any closer...

she's become my obsession..
i kept telling myself that i will keep my distance so that i could pull out whenever i want..
but this other side of me keeps telling me to not let the chance of getting her..
she is the type where u lose that one chance thn its gone forever..

she's not rejecting but she is not accepting..
she chats but she's not revealing anything bout what she feels..

i feel that i can see right through her act of dumbness however im not sure of the answer myself..
i try to keep her out of my mind,try to relax but every time i close my eyes, the image of her pop's out...

have i fallen so deep??..
i doubt so but i think so..
i know that the chances are low but heck there's nothing to lose just trying...
but by trying will i ever get to pull myself out..

all this darn question keeps popping out..
she is like a princess from one side and another rocker's daughter on the other side..
how bad is she is what made her so damn attractive...

she ask questions that i need to cast my ego aside and reveal my true intention...
says who ladies are weak??..

psfff...can i ever let go??......